Ganondorf is Insecure
by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant
Summary: In which Ganondorf visits a psychiatrist and reveals how insecure he really is. Oneshot. Warning: OOCness abounds. Extremely random, incredibly weird.


**Oh dear, what is wrong with me?! I - I really don't know how this thing came to me. I swear, my mind frightens me sometimes. Sorry that this isn't an update for the Osfala Adventures story, but this suddenly popped in my head... and I had to write it. Warning: Everyone is so OOC it is scary. Anyway, Vaati, do the disclaimer!**

**Vaati: ...why should I, you fool? Look at what you did to me!**

**Vaati... you're so mean! T_T Maybe - maybe you'll do it, Ganondorf?**

**Ganon: Never, you worm!**

**...**

**Red Link: I'll do it! Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant does not own Legend of Zelda or any of its characters. All she owns is the insane ideas that float in that brain of hers.**

**Thanks, Red! Well, enjoy and review!**

* * *

**Ganondorf is Insecure **

Vaati, a renowned Minish-turned-Hylian psychiatrist, looked up from his papers as his next appointment entered the room.

"Ah, Mr…," Vaati glanced down at the report in his hands, "Ganondorf, is it?

A freakishly tall (seriously, the guy dwarfs everyone) green skinned Gerudo man, with way too orange (he says it's red) hair nodded, and took a seat opposite of Vaati.

"Yes, although some people call me Ganon."

"Hmmm…" Vaati pushed his glasses (A/N: Sorry, I had to give him glasses!) up the bridge of his nose, and glanced at his report again. "So, according to this, you once held the title 'Great King of Darkness'? And you've tried to take over Hyrule… too many times to count?"

Ganon, who had been looking rather glum, perked up at the mention of his former title. "All true." He sighed. "Nearly succeeded, many times too."

"I see… Well, according to the one who recommended you to me – what was his name?" Vaati once again consulted his report. "Oh yes, Link, Hero of Time. Anyway, Link has expressed concerns over your behavior. Let's see… you've been showing signs of depression, you haven't been eating much, you keep sighing and staring out a window, you space out, and you have severe issues with insecurity."

Throughout the whole speech, Ganon just started into space.

Vaati frowned. "Um… Mr. Ganon? Hello?" He snapped his fingers in Ganon's face, causing Ganon to jump. "Huh… Yes, I see what Link means."

Ganon huffed. "Well, what do you expect? I've been defeated so many times, I can't even remember how many times it has been! And always by that blasted hero!"

Vaati leaned forward, intrigued. This guy was proving to be an interesting subject. "And this is the cause of your depression/insecurity?"

"Of course! You'd be depressed too, if you were an evil overlord who kept getting his butt kicked!

Vaati primly adjusted his glasses. "I was, in fact, an evil overlord once. However, I was defeated three times, by that same hero."

Ganon frowned. "Then why in the name of the three goddesses are you a psychiatrist? One working for Princess Zelda to boot!"

"That is irrelevant," Vaati replied, prissily. "What we are focusing on today, Mr. Ganon, is the reasons for your depression/insecurity."

Ganon glared at him. "I _told _you! Because that bloody Link keeps defeating me!"

Vaati nodded, absently, wishing he were done with work for the day. This patient wasn't turning out to be as interesting as he thought. He sounded like every other evil overlord. Boooorrrriiiinnggg.

Vaati sighed. Unfortunately, he had to deal with this guy, until Link was satisfied. "And would you like to tell me how that makes you feel?"

Ganon started at him. He started at Vaati for so long, that Vaati started to fidget. Suddenly, Ganon's lower lip started to tremble. Then, scaring Vaati half to death, Ganon burst out sobbing.

"WAAAAHHHH! IT MAKES ME FEEL TERRIBLE, THAT'S WHAT!" Ganon wailed. "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ALL THIS DEFEAT BEATS DOWN ON MY SELF CONFIDENCE? AND LINK IS ALWAYS SO MEAN, WHEN HE WINS! HE SMIRKS AT ME AND LAUGHES AT MY FACE! OH, THE WORLD IS A CRUEL PLACE! I ONLY WANTED TO TAKE CONTROL AND ENSLAVE THE PEOPLE OF HYRULE! IS THAT SO WRONG?!"

Vaati quickly reached for his emergency stash of tissues and flung them at Ganon. Ganon snatched 5 handfuls of tissues and blew on the loudly. Several minutes later, and about 17 boxes of tissues later (Vaati would have to go shopping for more later) Ganon finally calmed down enough to reduce his sobbing to mere sniffles.

Vaati just started. He wasn't entirely sure how he had expected the 'King of Darkness' to be like, but this sure wasn't it. Vaati glanced longingly at the clock behind Ganon. Crap. He had 5 minutes left.

"So…" Vaati said, hoping he could survive the last 5 minutes, "Perhaps you could go to Link about your problems? Maybe work out a compromise with him?"

Ganon sniffled. "I – I guess. But that won't cure my insecurity."

"And why do you feel insecure?"

"Because – because everybody always blames me!"

Vaati blinked. "Er… would you care to elaborate?"

"Well, whenever something bad happens, like crops dying, people getting kidnaped, people getting tortured, black clouds of doom hanging over Hyrule Castle, and fan art/fan fiction of you being tortured – "

Vaati started. Say what now? Who was drawing/writing about him being tortured?!

Ganon continued. "Everyone, and I mean everyone, always, always, ALWAYS blames me! It isn't fair! I'm not the only evil guy, you know! Why am I always the first one to get blamed?! Why can't someone blame Zant, or Bellum, or even Ghirahim?! WHY MEEEEEEEEE?!"

Vaati sighed and glanced at the clock again. 2 more minutes. He could do this. "Well, I suppose it is because of your bad reputation, Mr. Ganon. Perhaps if you change your attitude and do nice things for people for once, everyone will stop viewing you in such a negative light."

Ganon's mouth fell open. "Change my attitude?" he asked in disbelief. "Be _nice_ to people?! Oh no! Nothing doing, mister!"

Vaati shrugged. "Then I suppose you will have to deal with people blaming you."

Ganon narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure you're a psychiatrist?

"Last time I checked, I was." Vaati looked at the clock for a third time. "Oh, that's all the time we have for today! Mr. Ganon, you'll have to leave now!"

"Whaaaat?! No way! I'm just getting started!" Ganon advanced menacingly toward Vaati.

Vaati, realizing Ganon probably meant bodily harm, pressed the secret button under his desk.

Seconds later, a red, blue, and purple Link came rushing in, and grabbed Ganon.

"Hey!" Ganon protested. "Let go of me!"

The green Link entered the room. He nodded at the other three Links. "Okay boys, take him to the Lost Woods Asylum. According to Vaati, this one is mentally unstable."

"WHAT?! No! How can this be?! When did he even talk to you?! I won't go! You can't make me! No, no, nooooooo!" Ganon cried, as the three Links dragged him away.

The green Link and Vaati looked at each other.

"Tough patient, eh?" Link asked.

Vaati groaned and rubbed his head. He could feel a headache coming on. "Tell the princess I'm going to look for another job."


End file.
